8 Celebrations a Day

December 28, 2008 By Leave a Comment

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Love Letters A Love Letter from Alex (printable/pdf version)

Some days it really pays to sort through old files.  This afternoon, I found a stack of love letters and cards from my late husband.

He wrote an especially beautiful letter at a point during our courtship when I was going through a really rough patch at work.  I thought you might find his words as comforting-and inspirational–as I did.   Both then, and now:

I send you my affection and love to be with you….keep us close together during the trying times….calling on our total energies to help you through….but also call on our combined energies and love when it is time to celebrate at the high times of each day – there should be at least 8 celebrations each day….

  1. When you awake…to another day, the purr of a cat, to the sneeze of [the dog], to the song of birds or to the first ray of sunlight.
  2. Sipping a cup of tea, munching on a crust of toast, peanut butter or crunching a dry cereal for breakfast.
  3. Taking a walk in the out-of-doors regardless of snow, rain, sleet, sun, or cottonwood seeds gliding down to earth, smelling the scents of earth, water, cut grass, sweat of a horse, after shave lotion, fresh dab of perfume or baby oil.
  4. Greetings from friends, acquaintances, students, strangers, passer-bys, your own image reflected in a mirror or storefront window.  Surprize….being alive to all which surrounds you each moment in each day.
  5. Listening and hearing the sounds of your own voice…talking, yelling, singing, laughing, whispering.
  6. Touching…oh so many objects, people, animals, buildings, your car, a flower, a caterpillar, the wine in your goblet, the lips of your lover….your own body….with pride, delight and passion.
  7. To be emotional….full range and depth…no limit…full limit…restrained and then abounding…internal and external-Yeah!  Take it in…Give and let it out….Human and Full of Life.
  8. To sleep and rest after a fantasy called life which has been experienced….throughout each day.

That my Mary Is what you do!  Each and Every day of your creative and beautiful life.  Celebrate the existence of yourself with each and every living creature-

I too will celebrate life with you….each day and each moment of that day-

I enjoy spending these seconds with you.

*****

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Image Credits:

Love Letters by Patricia Lazar on Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved

Filed Under: Communicating, Eating, Feeling, Finding Meaning, Intimacy, Moving, Playing & Working, Self-Responsibility & Love, Sensing, Transcending

4 Tips to Clear Away Holiday-Related "Emotional Clutter"

December 3, 2008 By 1 Comment

Clutter of death

Is the upcoming holiday season bogged down with a clutter of “shoulds” and “oughts” that detract from your enjoyment of the season?

Are you a newlywed trying to juggle the long-standing holiday traditions of multiple families?

Are you longing to create or adapt holiday traditions for your own family that your children will treasure as they grow older?

On the other hand, perhaps you are adjusting to the loss of a pivotal family member who provided the focus for important holiday traditions.

Often, our holiday traditions include some “emotional clutter” that add unnecessary stress to our lives and hamper our enjoyment of the holiday season.

I have found the following four “clutter-control” questions to be helpful guides for choosing which traditions to keep or adapt, and which ones to let go of completely.

  • How meaningful is it for me? - How much of an impact does this tradition have on my life? Is it important to me? Can I let it go?
  • Do I love it? – Is this something that brings me joy? Or is it something I simply tolerate? Or does it create added stress in my life?
  • Do I want this? – Is this something I need or want as part of my life? How important is it to keep this “intact” or is there a way I can reduce the “clutter” effect?
  • Does this need me? – If it is not important to me personally, is it important to someone I care about? Is there something else that I need to consider (or do) about or with this?

As you clear away the excess emotional clutter, you will find a gentle spaciousness that enables you to embrace the richness of those holiday traditions that provide the most meaning to your life and your relationships.

I’d love to hear about your experiences in clearing your holiday-related emotional clutter.

(image credit: The Clutter of Death by GrandWaz on Flickr, some rights reserved)

Filed Under: Feeling, Finding Meaning, Self-Responsibility & Love, Transcending

Costs of a Lesson Learned

June 14, 2008 By Leave a Comment

No Use Crying Over Spilt Milk Some days bring us costly lessons. Some lessons simply cost us money.

Today’s lesson came in the form of my monthly telephone bill. As I briefly scanned the bill, I felt (and then heard) the sudden gasp escape from my throat: the amount due was TRIPLE its usual cost!

As I looked further, I discovered that the additional charges stemmed from a business call I had placed last month to the Bahamas. My colleague and I had experienced several delays in making scheduled appointments–due in part to interruptions in her internet-based telephone service, plus we had dismissed her cell phone option as too cost-prohibitive. So, when she gave me a new land-line number to use, I didn’t even think twice. I made the call and we had a productive 60-minute conversation. What I didn’t know at the time was that the call was being billed at my phone company’s “primetime overseas rate.”

Yikes! But also, DUH! I’m so spoiled with my unlimited long distance service plan that I didn’t stop to think that it only covers the US. Plus her phone number “looks” like a regular US number (that is, it doesn’t have any international code prefix to the number).

Once upon a time, I probably would have reacted with anger, frustration and tears, punctuated with feelings of blame and self-loathing for having made such a “stupid” and costly mistake. I might have then railed against the telephone company for what I believed to be exorbitant rates, and/or harbored a lingering, unspoken sense of bitterness toward my colleague for not having “protected” me from my ignorance.

Instead, this morning, I chose to take a deep breath and quietly pay the bill. And, without shame or blame, acknowledged my simple (albeit costly) error in judgment, that was based merely on my not knowing that which I didn’t already know. And then pondered some lessons to be learned from my experience–to help me and others not make a similar mistake in the future.

There are days in life in which we learn costly lessons. And some days in which our lessons simply cost us money.

Learning how to avoid the first type altogether while also minimizing the second is perhaps one of our most important lessons in life.

(note: image from Patrick Q on Flickr)

Filed Under: Breathing, Communicating, Feeling, Self-Responsibility & Love, Transcending

Be Your Own Valentine

February 14, 2008 By 1 Comment

Ann_mobile_heart_2_1.jpgI discover the words printed on the inside of the foil candy wrapper, as I pop the heart-shaped chocolate in my mouth. A sort of Valentine’s Day fortune-candy mantra: Be your own valentine.

In our media and commerce-driven world that equates material gifts with a measure of true love and interprets “being alone” as a desolate fate, such words could have wreaked havoc in my soul. However, while I’m not currently “in relationship” with another, I’m neither desperate nor lonely.

ASK_valentine_1.jpgI had spent the day fondly recalling stories about my late husband and his annual ritual of sharing handmade valentines with the women and children in his life. Alex had abhorred commercialized holidays, and preferred to bestow gifts at times of his choosing, but his annual valentine sharing adventure remained a nearly lifelong habit. He’d scour the stores in mid-late January for lace doilies, heart-shaped stickers and other intriguing decorative materials.

Some years, he’d feel lazy and grouse a bit if he felt that the recipients of his treasured creations had not shown adequate gratitude and/or recognition of his artistic efforts. Then one year, we heard about our god-daughter, who had treked out to the curbside mailbox every afternoon for 2 weeks, in anticipation of the treasured envelope that would bear her name, scrawled in large red marker. In 2006, he struggled to complete the task, yet cheered our hearts with his pink and red concoctions even though they arrived closer to mid-March as our minds had begun the shift to St. Paddy’s green.

By Feburary of 2007, he was too ill to complete the task one last time and steadfastly refused any assistance. While his tradition was ending, his teacher-artist daughter sent him a handmade valentine mobile, which we hung over his hospital bed in the living room. A fitting tribute and gift of love, to this gentle man and caring father, who–in an earlier career as a math teacher–had shared his fascination with the work of Alexander Calder while teaching mathematical principles by creating mobiles in the classroom. And in the wee hours of the morning of April 7 2005, that delicate heart-shaped mobile cast candle-lit flickering shadows on the living room wall as Alex bade a reluctant farewell to his full and complex life.

ask_8_21_91_bluestripe_1_1.jpgNostalgic thoughts and loving memories of a man who sometimes seemed larger than life, and who continues to dwell in my heart as the “silent partner” he promised to always be. Understandably, he’s a lot more silent than before, yet I continue to feel his love and support each and every day, but especially this Valentine’s Day.

And in the way that fortune cookies often provide a gentle reminder of oft-hidden truths, I feel myself comforted anew by the gentle validation: I am my best valentine–my first and most constant friend. And the more that I care for and nurture myself, the better friend and valentine I can be for others each day of the year.

Filed Under: Feeling, Finding Meaning, Self-Responsibility & Love, Thinking
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