Then again, I’ll readily admit that hearing news that someone I care about has died is not something I would easily put on my “to-do” list for ANY day of the week.

For as Mary Oliver writes in her poem, The Summer  Day:

Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?

I met Tom in June, 2010 while I was on a tour of Ireland that was directed by Tom’s company, Enchanted Way Tours and hosted by my friend (and colleague/mentor) Brian Luke Seaward.  It was indeed an enchanted (and enchanting) trip for me – and for a lot of reasons.

And, meeting Tom–this bigger-than-life, huge-hearted teddy-bear of a guy with a lovely voice to boot–was an unexpected bonus.  Our paths had crossed at a time–and in a way–that magically captured a piece of my heart.   In this You-Tube clip [click on the above image], you can get a taste of Tom–the tour guide, story-teller and singer.

Tom sure seemed to have figured out what to do with his “one wild and precious life.”  He had a profound love for his native Ireland, an unbounded pride in being Irish and a special gift for sharing Ireland’s music, language and stories.

And, perhaps even more importantly, he was able to reach the end of his life in the same way he lived it.  I’m told that he died of a heart attack while participating in an Irish Music cruise in the Caribbean.  A Facebook update reported that:

He was feeling good and laughing with all of us just minutes before he passed. We were listening to an Irish session  which was what he loved and enjoyed.

Earlier this evening, a number of us who had participated in the Summer Soul-stice Riff Raff Tour of 2010 gathered virtually under our respective view of the moon–each in our own way to offer Tom our wishes for safe passage, love, and peace on this new phase of his journey.

For many of us, those moments included a song that had bound us together throughout the trip and afterwards, entitled  Safe Home by Johnsmith. [click on the YouTube link in the image to the right].  The lyrics seem especially appropriate for the occasion, especially the chorus:

Safe Home, Safe Home, Safe Home will you go

May the light of the moon smile down on your road

Safe Home, Safe Home, Safe Home will you go

Until I next see you, safe home will you go

Rest in peace, my friend!

wow, isn’t it interesting that this year, both my house (which turned 100 years old this year) AND my car (which just logged 100,000 miles) are “demanding” somewhat expensive–and ALWAYS unexpected presents from me!

So, my schedule the next day now included an unexpected “car-less” time period along with an “away-from-home” meeting, a 90 minute conference call as well as “walking / get coffee / be productive somehow / just be” time.

My first thought was that I had two choices about how to approach the day.  Either I could whine and moan about being stuck without my usual transportation and flexibility, OR I could bring a sense of interested curiosity, while inviting the day to unfold in a new way.

Grateful that I chose the 2nd option, along the way I…..

• Discovered the still fairly new Wanderer’s Teahouse in downtown East Lansing that I had read about some time back but hadn’t specifically figured out its location.  I met the owners, Elizabeth and Michael while enjoying a GREAT cup of coffee [I know, it's a teahouse--but I was in need of some serious caffeine that morning!].  I also learned about a cool-sounding “Drumming and Tea” workshop series they’re hosting later this month that I plan to attend.
• Thoroughly enjoyed walking throughout the summer-quiet Michigan State University Campus on a luscious July morning.
• Remembered two special trips (Oakland, CA and Portland, OR) where I could easily walk to nearby grocery stores and restaurants AND a spa!!
• Pondered adding “walkable/livable community” to the list of criteria I’m beginning to create if/when I ever decide to move away from Lansing.
• Considered the possibility/feasibility /desirability of actually scheduling (and reporting about) periodic “serendipity” days.
• Brainstormed possible names for such days (e.g., “opposite” days, lemon-aide days, stretch-ful days, day at the edge, etc.)

All in all, my experiment of a day at the edge of serendipity turned out to be a refreshingly, stretch-full, lemon-aide type of day.

And now, I’m a bit curious….about YOU….

• How do YOU handle potentially frustrating routine-changing events?
• Do you ever schedule your own “serendipity” days?
• If so, what discoveries have you made along the way?

You can leave a comment (below) or send me a private email.

I look forward to hearing from you!

At 6:36 am on Sunday, July 4, 2010, my oldest brother phoned me with the news that my dear mother, Elaine Kiener, had passed away that morning at 5 am. 

At 7:36 am, I received an email (from a Google Group that explores the crossings between  Nonviolent Communication and  Focusing. 

In that email, a colleague shared a poem entitled:  Your Mother and My Mother by hafiz.

Fear is the cheapest room in the house.
I would like to see you living
In better conditions.

For your mother and my mother
Were friends.

I know the innkeeper
In this part of the universe.
Get some rest tonight,
Come to see my verse again tomorrow.
We’ll go speak to the Friend together.

I should not make any promises right now,
But I know if you
Pray
Somewhere in this world–
Something good will happen.

God wants to see
More love and playfulness in your eyes
For that is your greatest witness to Him.

Your soul and my soul
Once sat together in the Beloved’s womb
Playing footsie.

Your heart and my heart
Are very, very old Friends.

Such a beautiful poem and message – in its own right. 

And yet, even more fitting considering that I had been with my mom a few years before as I watched her NOT die (all within a peaceful sleep), and had also been with her during times of panicked breathlessness.  I am so grateful to know that fear was not a companion along her final journey.

There’ve been times in life
when I’d felt like a mother-less child,
adrift at sea
with no land in sight.

But those were different long-ago times
When neither she nor I
knew how to be–
one with the other.

Then through the past two decades,
travelling simple journeys together,
mother and daughter learned to also become friends.
Content to simply be with each other–
watching and waiting–with neither judgment nor expectation
nor even need at time for words of any kind.

Yet now in this moment -barely a single day
since the mom has died,
I, her daughter, greet this new day
on the threshold of the rest of my life.

Never again to sit together,
nor again to see her look of pure delight and happiness
as she’d open her eyes to see me there with her.
No one last “Tussie Mussie” bouquet
lovingly carried from my home to hers,
Nor bowl of fresh-picked raspberries
For her to lovingly devour.
And no more tales of days gone by,
sharing both laughter and the tears
of being two strong women –
the only mother and sister
to three long-grown men.

With memories of that mysterious, witnessed moment
once on a day she didn’t die,
alongside other breathless, panicked moments
when she’d feared she’d die afraid/alone—
knowing now she’s found her peace at last.

And while I’m no longer by her side,
Content and grateful just to know
she’s resting there deep within my heart
Even as I proudly carry forever
HER name within my own.

Anticipating that I would be needing some specialized “re-entry” time following my return from what had already promised to be [and truly was!] a magical 10-day Tour of Ireland, I had already made sure that my first week’s schedule was fairly “light” with work-related responsibilities.  Plus, I took the opportunity to schedule a special Polarity massage session with a colleague, Martha Mae Blosser.

What wasn’t initially “planned”, but serendipitously evolved was the opportunity to have TWO Focusing Partnership sessions earlier in the day.  Especially given the images of  transformation and shifting that carried forward through those two sessions as I sat with the whole experience of my trip [I'll write about those in a separate entry], I discovered how much more powerful the session with Martha Mae would ultimately be.

And, as I look back on yesterday’s experience, I affirm a couple of “reminders to my-self”:

• It really IS helpful to include some sort of “buffer/re-entry zone”  in my schedule when I’m returning from extended time off.  [Of course, this assumes I've remembered to schedule the "time off" to begin with!]
• It’s also really nice to pause and  ”set the stage” for myself and my process when I’m preparing for any kind of body-work/energy healing session.  It allows the process to be deeper and more satisfying than if I just run in from rushing around.  [This, of course, doesn't always mean lots of time.  Sometimes, it can be as simple as pausing for a moment to set an intention and/or simply notice what's there in the moment.]

I’d love to hear from you about your experiences with “re-entry” practices after vacation.

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl, a mysterious, tall green stalk magically began to grow two stories beneath my bedroom window.  It had appeared in the flower bed, snuggled up so tightly against the sidewalk that we knew no human being could have planted it there.  At the time, it seemed that no one even knew what kind of plant it was.

Then, one day, the mysterious stalk revealed its wondrous blooms.  And later, when the blooms were spent, it seemed to die.  Except each year, again and again, the magical stalk again emerged from the soil to repeat its blooming refrain.

Many years later, my mom had enjoyed another Amaryllis bulb miracle.  No mysterious planting this time–the bulb had arrived nestled inside a florist’s basket.  A perfect gift for my mom—for whom one of her greatest (and simplest) pleasures is to sit and watch flowers bloom.  This special bulb—which grows at a pace that you can almost observe–provided a bright spot in her one-room, assisted living space. 

Once its blooms had been spent, mom sent the bulb home with me, with the hopes that someday it might bloom again.  For a few weeks, it sat on a shelf near my back door, enjoying occasional sips of water as its drooping leaves continued to feed the bulb.

Until one day, I noticed that a new stem had begun to send up its pointed tips.   Gradually, another set of blossoms appeared at the tip of the magical stalk, bringing a double round of enjoyment – both for me and to share long distance with my mom.

And then, wonders of wonders:  yet another stalk began to climb—stretching upward toward the still-present blooms.  And as this latest stalk (the bulb’s third in as many months) reached its lofty destination, the final bloom from the second stalk completed its own cycle.

For me, an amaryllis bulb is no longer simply a mysterious gift from within my childhood garden.  It is also both memory and a reminder of the magical beauty that exists in the world.  Or, as Muriel Barbery writes in The Elegance of the Hedgehog, an “odd moment of beauty, where time is no longer the same….[rather] a sort of interlude in time, something suspended, an elsewhere that ha[s] come to us.”

May your own life be blessed with many “odd moments of beauty” that both suspend and transcend time, while linking you with thoughts and memories of those whom you love.

Image credits:

1) Amaryllis from Clearly Ambiguous  Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved

2) Amaryllis Rebloom by Mary Elaine Kiener, RN, PhD (cc) Some Rights Reserved

In Parts One through Three of this series, you have begun to recognize and explore your own inner experience of the holidays, as a prelude to sorting through those aspects of the season that bring added/unwanted stress to your life.  Part One  enabled you to identify an overall sense of the holidays, while Part Two invited you to look a little more deeply at individual components that result in either/both a positive or negative response within you.  Part Three introduced the restorative power of Quick Coherence, that can help you celebrate those holiday-related activities and events that bring you some joy and also provide some resilience to protect you from added stress.  

Clearing the Holiday “Clutter-Buts”

In the final installment in this “Healing Your Holiday Spirit” series, I draw on an “emotional clutter-busting” approach to dealing with holiday stress to offer a way to gently explore those “But’s…..” you identified in Part Two.  These often stem from “should’s” and “ought’s” that have gradually crept into your holiday traditions, yet do not necessarily add to your enjoyment of the season.  It is as though these “clutter-but’s” have become tangled strings of Christmas tree lights that take a bit of sorting out prior to becoming part of the celebratory mood.

 This approach offers four basic clutter-control questions that can serve as helpful guides for choosing which holiday “Buts…..” we decide to keep intact, alter or perhaps, discard:

1.  How meaningful is it for me? - How much of an impact does this tradition have on my life? Is it important to me? Can I let it go?
2. Do I love it? – Is this something that brings me joy? Or is it something I simply tolerate? Or does it create added stress in my life?
3. Do I want this? – Is this something I need or want as part of my life? How important is it to keep this “intact” or is there a way I can reduce the “clutter” effect?
4. Does this need me? – If it is not important to me personally, is it important to someone I care about? Is there something else that I need to consider (or do) about or with this?

 And, (in keeping with this series’ theme of “Gifts Within a Gift”), I have created another Guided (11 minute Audio) Exercise that invites you explore these questions within your whole body-mind, accompanied by a welcoming spirit of interested curiosity.  You can access it here.

 As we bring this series of messages to a close, I hope that you have been able to find a bit of gentle spaciousness that enables you to embrace the richness of those holiday traditions that provide the most meaning to your life and your relationships, even as you free yourself from the constraints of those that have kept you from being able to enjoy the holiday season. 

Stay tuned for 2010, as I am planning additional opportunities to help you continue to access the wisdom of your body-mind.  In the meantime, I welcome your comments, questions and suggestions.  And may you have a blessed Holiday Season!

Image credits:  tangled lights by shoothead  (Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved)

In Part One of this series, you began to explore the role that “choice” plays in determining an outcome of “Yippee!” or “Yuck!” to your general experience of the Holidays.  In Part Two, you took a “Yea-But” approach to explore more deeply your overall sense of the Holidays.  In Part Four, you will have an opportunity to concentrate more on the But… side of the scale.

First,  let us take a moment to quietly appreciate those parts of the holiday season that give you pleasure, and for which you are grateful.  These are all the things that showed up on you Yea! side of the scale.  These are the parts of the holiday season that are important to you, and which you most likely want to keep as part of your holiday season activities.

This time, my “Gift Within a Gift – A Stresswell™ Holiday Truffle” consists of a lovely exercise from HeartMath called Quick Coherence.  You can find the written instructions here.  I have also included a Guided (6 minute audio) version of this exercise, especially tailored for the holidays.

This wonderful exercise offers a delicious tool for helping you to remember what holds positive meaning in your life.  However, its real power comes from the creation of more coherent heart rhythms, which leads to a more harmonic balance between thoughts and emotions.  In other words, you simply begin to feel better–with more energy, mental clarity and resilience.  That way, you are more equipped to deal with the inevitable hassles that daily life (let alone the holidays!) drops at your doorstep.

Stay tuned for Part Four, the final installment in this “Healing Your Holiday Spirit” series – where I’ll offer you another Guided Exercise – which draws on a great “clearing the emotional clutter” approach to dealing with holiday stress.

In the meantime – your questions and comments are always welcomed!

In Part One of this series, we began to explore the role that “choice” plays in determining an outcome of “Yippee!” or “Yuck!” to a given experience (in this case, “holidays”). 

Now, let’s consider a variation of the Yippee-Yuck© Scale.  I call it the Yea-But© scale.  It’s particularly useful for allowing us to look more deeply at an event or experience that might involve more than one reaction. 

In this scale, each word (or concept or experience) will receive TWO types of rankings (one for “Yeah!” and one for “But….” -each on a scale of 0-3, in which 0 means “none” and 3 means “a great deal”).

 For example, we can use the same word we used  in Part One:  “snow.”   

Maybe you sort of like the sparkle of snow in the moonlight and seeing trees covered with snow.  So, then maybe you would score the “Yea!” side as a “1″.  BUT, you hate having to shovel the stuff, scraping your car, how dirty the snow gets, plus you just hate the cold weather and having to get bundled up during winter weather.  So, you might score the “But….” side as a 3.  Got it?

Now, we can look at the holiday season more specifically, using the Yeah-But© Scale (below) to jot down some notes.

And, to help enrich this process (and in keeping with the initial “Gift within a gift – Stresswell Holiday Truffle” concept), I have also included a lovely, brief Guided AudioExercise.  (It’s about 9 minutes long.)

So, (whether you used the Guided Exercise or not) how did that go for you?  What did you begin to notice?  Were you able to identify some things on both sides of the scale?

I hope so, because in Part Three of this series, I will share a brief exercise that will help you remember and quietly appreciate those parts of the holidays that give you pleasure (those things that show up on the “Yea!” side of the scale).  And, in Part Four, I will conclude with an exercise that will help you to clear some of the ”emotional clutter”  from the “But….” side of the scale.

As always, I welcome your comments and questions!

Having seen the photographs, I began to imagine the layers of luscious tastes tempting my tastebuds.  In addition, thoughts of multi-layered gifts within gifts have drifted through my consciousness in the past several days.  Ah…..layers of deliciously sweet on the outside surrounding satisfyingly savory morsels hidden in the middle.

And so, I got the idea to come bearing gifts within a gift–all created to help heal your holiday spirit, especially if you’re finding yourself sick of holiday stress. A sort of stresswell™ holiday truffle–disguised as a 4-part series of blog posts–each with tasty audio surprises hidden deep inside.

Holiday stress.

For most of us, stress is an everyday part of our lives. When the holidays come, they often arrive with added activities and responsibilities, which then pile on more feelings of stress. It’s often these little stresses that begin piling up that cause us to get sick and lessen the overall quality of our lives.

Instead of giving you a list of generic “do’s and don’ts”—that may or may not be useful in your own life, I hope this discussion will offer you a little different way of thinking about stress and how to be with yourself amidst the stress. I’ll also provide some tools to help you discover (or create) your own tips—that will be meaningful and useful for you to incorporate into your own life.

Yippee/Yuck©.

First, let’s take a look at something I call the “Yippee-Yuck© Scale”.   That is, on a scale of +5 (which means “Yippee!”) to -5 (which means “Yuck!”), with 0 being neutral.  There is no right or wrong answer.  Just how you feel at this moment about whatever is happening. 

For example, as you read the word “snow”, notice for a moment what happens inside. Go with your first reaction and how you feel right now about “snow.”   If you were to mark a spot somewhere between Yippee! and Yuck!, which would you choose?

Next, take a moment to imagine that you are with a group of people, each assigning their own number ranking for their current experience of the word “snow.”  Isn’t it interesting that a single word could evoke so many different reactions?

If we were to explain this using a mathematical formula, it would look something like this:

Snow + Your Reaction =Yippee/Yuck© Rating.

A more general way of looking at this equation would be as follows:

Event + Your Response = Outcome.

In other words, every outcome we experience is a direct result of how we respond to an individual event that occurs.

Does this mean that we have to like everything that happens to us? No, of course not. Nor does it mean that we are to blame if something bad happens to us.  It simply means that no matter what happens to us (whether good, bad or indifferent), it is our response to that event that will determine the outcome we experience.

I Have a Choice.

In turn, this means that we have a choice on how to respond to whatever happens in our lives.  [Wayne Moore has written a lovely song entitled "I Have a Choice", which you can preview here.]

Now, let’s repeat the Yippee/Yuck© exercise–this time with the word “holidays.”  Notice what happens inside and  prompts you to select a particular Yippee! or Yuck! score.  Notice too, whether you’re satisfied with the number you chose, or whether you would really prefer it to have rank a bit higher on the Yippee! side of the scale.

In my next blog post, we’ll take a look at something I call the Yea-But© Scale–and how it can help you sort through something that has multiple layers – like holidays. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.  Perhaps you would share your own sense of the holidays, and/or what you noticed as you did this exercise.

Image credits:  06_layers by wiccked  (Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved)