[downloadable pdf version]

In Parts One through Three of this series, you have begun to recognize and explore your own inner experience of the holidays, as a prelude to sorting through those aspects of the season that bring added/unwanted stress to your life.  Part One  enabled you to identify an overall sense of the holidays, while Part Two invited you to look a little more deeply at individual components that result in either/both a positive or negative response within you.  Part Three introduced the restorative power of Quick Coherence, that can help you celebrate those holiday-related activities and events that bring you some joy and also provide some resilience to protect you from added stress.  

Clearing the Holiday “Clutter-Buts”

In the final installment in this “Healing Your Holiday Spirit” series, I draw on an “emotional clutter-busting” approach to dealing with holiday stress to offer a way to gently explore those “But’s…..” you identified in Part Two.  These often stem from “should’s” and “ought’s” that have gradually crept into your holiday traditions, yet do not necessarily add to your enjoyment of the season.  It is as though these “clutter-but’s” have become tangled strings of Christmas tree lights that take a bit of sorting out prior to becoming part of the celebratory mood.

 This approach offers four basic clutter-control questions that can serve as helpful guides for choosing which holiday “Buts…..” we decide to keep intact, alter or perhaps, discard:

1.  How meaningful is it for me? - How much of an impact does this tradition have on my life? Is it important to me? Can I let it go?
2. Do I love it? – Is this something that brings me joy? Or is it something I simply tolerate? Or does it create added stress in my life?
3. Do I want this? – Is this something I need or want as part of my life? How important is it to keep this “intact” or is there a way I can reduce the “clutter” effect?
4. Does this need me? – If it is not important to me personally, is it important to someone I care about? Is there something else that I need to consider (or do) about or with this?

 And, (in keeping with this series’ theme of “Gifts Within a Gift”), I have created another Guided (11 minute Audio) Exercise that invites you explore these questions within your whole body-mind, accompanied by a welcoming spirit of interested curiosity.  You can access it here.

 As we bring this series of messages to a close, I hope that you have been able to find a bit of gentle spaciousness that enables you to embrace the richness of those holiday traditions that provide the most meaning to your life and your relationships, even as you free yourself from the constraints of those that have kept you from being able to enjoy the holiday season. 

Stay tuned for 2010, as I am planning additional opportunities to help you continue to access the wisdom of your body-mind.  In the meantime, I welcome your comments, questions and suggestions.  And may you have a blessed Holiday Season!

Image credits:  tangled lights by shoothead  (Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved)

[printable pdf version]

In Part One of this series, you began to explore the role that “choice” plays in determining an outcome of “Yippee!” or “Yuck!” to your general experience of the Holidays.  In Part Two, you took a “Yea-But” approach to explore more deeply your overall sense of the Holidays.  In Part Four, you will have an opportunity to concentrate more on the But… side of the scale.

First,  let us take a moment to quietly appreciate those parts of the holiday season that give you pleasure, and for which you are grateful.  These are all the things that showed up on you Yea! side of the scale.  These are the parts of the holiday season that are important to you, and which you most likely want to keep as part of your holiday season activities.

This time, my “Gift Within a Gift – A Stresswell™ Holiday Truffle” consists of a lovely exercise from HeartMath called Quick Coherence.  You can find the written instructions here.  I have also included a Guided (6 minute audio) version of this exercise, especially tailored for the holidays.

This wonderful exercise offers a delicious tool for helping you to remember what holds positive meaning in your life.  However, its real power comes from the creation of more coherent heart rhythms, which leads to a more harmonic balance between thoughts and emotions.  In other words, you simply begin to feel better–with more energy, mental clarity and resilience.  That way, you are more equipped to deal with the inevitable hassles that daily life (let alone the holidays!) drops at your doorstep.

Stay tuned for Part Four, the final installment in this “Healing Your Holiday Spirit” series – where I’ll offer you another Guided Exercise – which draws on a great “clearing the emotional clutter” approach to dealing with holiday stress.

In the meantime – your questions and comments are always welcomed!

Having seen the photographs, I began to imagine the layers of luscious tastes tempting my tastebuds.  In addition, thoughts of multi-layered gifts within gifts have drifted through my consciousness in the past several days.  Ah…..layers of deliciously sweet on the outside surrounding satisfyingly savory morsels hidden in the middle.

And so, I got the idea to come bearing gifts within a gift–all created to help heal your holiday spirit, especially if you’re finding yourself sick of holiday stress. A sort of stresswell™ holiday truffle–disguised as a 4-part series of blog posts–each with tasty audio surprises hidden deep inside.

Holiday stress.

For most of us, stress is an everyday part of our lives. When the holidays come, they often arrive with added activities and responsibilities, which then pile on more feelings of stress. It’s often these little stresses that begin piling up that cause us to get sick and lessen the overall quality of our lives.

Instead of giving you a list of generic “do’s and don’ts”—that may or may not be useful in your own life, I hope this discussion will offer you a little different way of thinking about stress and how to be with yourself amidst the stress. I’ll also provide some tools to help you discover (or create) your own tips—that will be meaningful and useful for you to incorporate into your own life.

Yippee/Yuck©.

First, let’s take a look at something I call the “Yippee-Yuck© Scale”.   That is, on a scale of +5 (which means “Yippee!”) to -5 (which means “Yuck!”), with 0 being neutral.  There is no right or wrong answer.  Just how you feel at this moment about whatever is happening. 

For example, as you read the word “snow”, notice for a moment what happens inside. Go with your first reaction and how you feel right now about “snow.”   If you were to mark a spot somewhere between Yippee! and Yuck!, which would you choose?

Next, take a moment to imagine that you are with a group of people, each assigning their own number ranking for their current experience of the word “snow.”  Isn’t it interesting that a single word could evoke so many different reactions?

If we were to explain this using a mathematical formula, it would look something like this:

Snow + Your Reaction =Yippee/Yuck© Rating.

A more general way of looking at this equation would be as follows:

Event + Your Response = Outcome.

In other words, every outcome we experience is a direct result of how we respond to an individual event that occurs.

Does this mean that we have to like everything that happens to us? No, of course not. Nor does it mean that we are to blame if something bad happens to us.  It simply means that no matter what happens to us (whether good, bad or indifferent), it is our response to that event that will determine the outcome we experience.

I Have a Choice.

In turn, this means that we have a choice on how to respond to whatever happens in our lives.  [Wayne Moore has written a lovely song entitled "I Have a Choice", which you can preview here.]

Now, let’s repeat the Yippee/Yuck© exercise–this time with the word “holidays.”  Notice what happens inside and  prompts you to select a particular Yippee! or Yuck! score.  Notice too, whether you’re satisfied with the number you chose, or whether you would really prefer it to have rank a bit higher on the Yippee! side of the scale.

In my next blog post, we’ll take a look at something I call the Yea-But© Scale–and how it can help you sort through something that has multiple layers – like holidays. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.  Perhaps you would share your own sense of the holidays, and/or what you noticed as you did this exercise.

Image credits:  06_layers by wiccked  (Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved)

[printable PDF version]

One, two, three, one, two, three…. My fellow workshop participants counted off in preparation for our first small group exercise. As the counting reached me, Michael, our workshop leader interrupted: “No, you’re not included.”

I felt as though a rug had been pulled out from beneath my feet. I struggled to control my emotions, my face betraying a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and disappointment, mingled with a vague sense of betrayal.

During planning for the workshop (ironically, the theme was “loss”), my fellow co-organizers had repeated assured me that I could be a full participant throughout the workshop itself. While small group exercises were normally done in triads, their experience had been that an occasional group of four was formed if the overall group size was not divisible by three. However, on that particular morning, Michael appeared unwilling to make an accommodation.

As the triads began their work together, I attempted to regain my equilibrium. I began a stresswell™ spin of the wheel while I tapped into my usual repertoire of stress management skills. I stopped to breathe and shift into coherence. I acknowledged my feelings and released them. I examined my beliefs and judgments about the incident.

Although one of the groups had invited me in as an observer, I found myself continually distracted by feelings of loss and abandonment. I felt fidgety and unable to sit still in a spirit of presence within the small group. Eventually, I was pulled away from the exercise by an administrative task, and decided it would be too disruptive for me to return.

I left the room for a few moments to wash my face and provide some distance from the workshop itself. As the exercise ended, lunch arrived and I realized how hungry I felt.

Conversation during lunch was also awkward. My fellow organizers shared my puzzlement and empathized with my sadness. Yet, I was also aware of wanting to maintain a positive atmosphere for the rest of the participants-even though I still was unsure of my own status for the remainder of the workshop.

A gnawing sadness continued throughout lunch. Tears lingered just beneath the surface and threatened to erupt without notice. I was puzzled by how important it seemed to be for me to actually participate in the workshop.

Finally, lunch was finished, and the group came back together. I learned that Michael had decided to let me participate in the rest of the workshop exercises. That afternoon, we would be take turns telling a story about a loss in our own lives.

I paused for a moment to invite a felt sense of which story might want to be told that afternoon. Ah, along came my sophomore homeroom and English teacher, a nun whose name I could no longer remember. What I did recall, however, was that “Sr. Mary NoName” and I had become fast friends that fall. She was perhaps no more than ten years my senior. I had found myself enjoying our conversations immensely and looked forward to the times we spent together.

Then, one day, she had stopped me as I was leaving homeroom and told me that we could no longer spend time together outside of class. She had offered no explanation as I sensed a door in my heart slam shut. From that day forward, I was invisible to her and I felt shunned.

That afternoon, however, as I told the story to my “listener” within our group of four, I began to see threads linking that long ago experience with the intense feelings that had haunted me just a few hours before. I began to recognize that those threads were linked as well to other losses throughout my life that had included themes of exclusion and abandonment and which had never quite lost their emotional sting.

As part of the workshop exercise, we also had the opportunity to address our listener with whatever words we would wish to say directly to the person we had been telling the story about, as well as offer a blessing to that person. I found myself speaking both to myself as the devastated 15 year old girl and to my beloved teacher, acknowledging the pain she must have felt as well (because I felt sure that the forced separation had not been her choice).

As I spoke, I felt as though I were laying down a heavy burden, that I had carried for so long. And throughout the rest of the workshop, I could feel the healing continue.

Of course, old habits sometimes are reluctant to slip away quite so easily. As a result, in the days following the workshop, I’ve noticed occasional twinges of old, familiar, well-rehearsed feelings of abandonment. Yet, as quickly as the twinges appear, they now disappear with the recognition that the initial hurt has been healed and that I no longer need the protective shield.

Lessons learned? First, that any experience can affect us deeply within all dimensions of our being. Second, that a lingering response to a stressful incident might have deep taproots to an earlier experience that yearns for a transformational healing process. Third, that a “spin of the wheel” may become a three-dimensional spiral of growth and healing that transcends time and space.
Image Credits (unless otherwise noted, all on Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved) :
1. Not Like the Others… by greenapplegrenade
2. Wellness Wheel ©2002 by John W Travis and HealthWorld Online (used with permission)
3. parla con me by la bella polenesiana

Throughout the nearly 15 years that I have been using and recommending* Juice Plus®, one of the most common questions I have been asked has been some variant of  “Just how can they get all that nutrition into those tiny capsules?”

Given the sophisticated (and proprietary) process by which Juice Plus® is made, public explanations and visual images have been somewhat limited.  So, one day, in a moment of facetious fun, I concocted an intricate tale regarding a renegade group of health-conscious Keebler Elves who—armed with tiny golden shovels**—had been recruited and hired to scoop the fruit and vegetable powders into capsules.  At long last, I am delighted to finally grant that hard-working band of elves a much deserved retirement.

All seriousness aside….if you have ever wondered about

• Why you should consider increasing your intake of fruits and vegetables
• How 17 fruits, vegetables and grains actually get into those capsules, and/or
• What difference Juice Plus® could possible make for you or your family’s  health,

then you will find value in a new, 12 minute video that premiered in late March at the Spring 2009 Juice Plus® Leadership Conference in Long Beach, California.

Simply click here so you can see and hear for yourself.  Then, click on “View video” (as seen below)

While you are there, you can also review the impressive body of peer-reviewed, published research findings on Juice Plus®…

plus hear from a few of the 1000’s of other health professionals who recommend Juice Plus®…

I invite you to take a look, and let me know what you think.

And, if you are wanting to bridge the nutritional health gap in your life, consider the difference you could make by adding the  benefits from 17 different fruits, vegetables and grains to your body every day.

Again, simply click here for more information.

* Proclaimer:  I am honored to be a Juice Plus® distributor(since 1995).  Because of the integrity (of both the company and its extensive research program), Juice Plus® remains the only nutritional product that I have ever  wholeheartedly recommended to my clients, family and friends.

** Image credit: Photo-0167.jpg by drauh

A Love Letter from Alex (printable/pdf version)

Some days it really pays to sort through old files.  This afternoon, I found a stack of love letters and cards from my late husband.

He wrote an especially beautiful letter at a point during our courtship when I was going through a really rough patch at work.  I thought you might find his words as comforting-and inspirational–as I did.   Both then, and now:

I send you my affection and love to be with you….keep us close together during the trying times….calling on our total energies to help you through….but also call on our combined energies and love when it is time to celebrate at the high times of each day – there should be at least 8 celebrations each day….

1. When you awake…to another day, the purr of a cat, to the sneeze of [the dog], to the song of birds or to the first ray of sunlight.
2. Sipping a cup of tea, munching on a crust of toast, peanut butter or crunching a dry cereal for breakfast.
3. Taking a walk in the out-of-doors regardless of snow, rain, sleet, sun, or cottonwood seeds gliding down to earth, smelling the scents of earth, water, cut grass, sweat of a horse, after shave lotion, fresh dab of perfume or baby oil.
4. Greetings from friends, acquaintances, students, strangers, passer-bys, your own image reflected in a mirror or storefront window.  Surprize….being alive to all which surrounds you each moment in each day.
5. Listening and hearing the sounds of your own voice…talking, yelling, singing, laughing, whispering.
6. Touching…oh so many objects, people, animals, buildings, your car, a flower, a caterpillar, the wine in your goblet, the lips of your lover….your own body….with pride, delight and passion.
7. To be emotional….full range and depth…no limit…full limit…restrained and then abounding…internal and external-Yeah!  Take it in…Give and let it out….Human and Full of Life.
8. To sleep and rest after a fantasy called life which has been experienced….throughout each day.

That my Mary Is what you do!  Each and Every day of your creative and beautiful life.  Celebrate the existence of yourself with each and every living creature-

I too will celebrate life with you….each day and each moment of that day-

I enjoy spending these seconds with you.

*****

Image Credits:

Love Letters by Patricia Lazar on Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved

Is the upcoming holiday season bogged down with a clutter of “shoulds” and “oughts” that detract from your enjoyment of the season?

Are you a newlywed trying to juggle the long-standing holiday traditions of multiple families?

Are you longing to create or adapt holiday traditions for your own family that your children will treasure as they grow older?

On the other hand, perhaps you are adjusting to the loss of a pivotal family member who provided the focus for important holiday traditions.

Often, our holiday traditions include some “emotional clutter” that add unnecessary stress to our lives and hamper our enjoyment of the holiday season.

I have found the following four “clutter-control” questions to be helpful guides for choosing which traditions to keep or adapt, and which ones to let go of completely.

• How meaningful is it for me? - How much of an impact does this tradition have on my life? Is it important to me? Can I let it go?

• Do I love it? – Is this something that brings me joy? Or is it something I simply tolerate? Or does it create added stress in my life?

• Do I want this? – Is this something I need or want as part of my life? How important is it to keep this “intact” or is there a way I can reduce the “clutter” effect?

• Does this need me? – If it is not important to me personally, is it important to someone I care about? Is there something else that I need to consider (or do) about or with this?

As you clear away the excess emotional clutter, you will find a gentle spaciousness that enables you to embrace the richness of those holiday traditions that provide the most meaning to your life and your relationships.

I’d love to hear about your experiences in clearing your holiday-related emotional clutter.

(image credit: The Clutter of Death by GrandWaz on Flickr, some rights reserved)

Am sharing these thoughts from a new Rotarian friend from LinkedIn.  Thanks, John!

Change Your Attitude About Change

by John Bishop, Executive Director, Accent on Success, Greater St. Louis Area

The world is changing. The changes will be rapid, constant and revolutionary. We can’t stop it.

At best, we can slow it down a little. But, change will be coming from all directions and at speeds we have never seen before. If rapid change is inevitable then how can we prepare for it?

Seven Ways to Look at Change:

1. Today’s change is tomorrow’s norm.

2. Change is as good or as bad as you make it.

3. If you are a change oriented leader expect others to paint a bull’s eye on your back and then shoot arrows at you.

4. Substitute the word “growth” for “change.” It will revolutionize your perspective about new things.

5. “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”  [Tuli Kupferberg]

6. “Change is a challenge and an opportunity, not a threat.”  [Prince Phillip of England]

7. If you can’t control the changing event, change how you react to it.

By changing our attitude toward it and insuring that the changes make things better and not just faster.

By changing our attitude toward it we can make the change in our section of the world better – not just faster.

Our personal attitude toward change will ultimately determine our destiny.

www.GoalSettingForStudents.com/archives.html

(If you like this life skill idea, please send it to others. Thank you.)

Here in the US, we often take our water quality for granted. Except in case of dire emergencies, we simply walk to the closest faucet to turn on the tap for fresh, clean drinking water.

I first learned about the challenges of getting clean drinking water in the developing world in 1967 (at age 17) during my first of several visits to Nicaragua. For example, we had to use bottled water for drinking and brushing our teeth. When visiting in a Nicaraguan home, we were told to request a bottle of soda whenever we were offered a beverage to drink. Strange by today’s standards, but a sugary soda was healthier to drink than water!

During a 3-week stay in a rural district in northwest Nicaragua, we had to haul water from the river to fill barrels in the outdoor shower stalls (unless we had a drenching rainstorm). Eating lettuce-based salads were out of the question because of the high risk of intestinal illnesses. So, instead, we scalded cabbage in boiling water–which we then cooled down with chunks of ice (a foolhardy and risky shortcut, since we later realized that the ice was also made with contaminated water!).

Several years ago, Rotary International launched the BioSand Water Filter project which has helped to provide point-of-use water filtration units to villages throughout the developing world. These economical, low-tech units are remarkably effective in removing most bacteria and parasites from contaminated water, making clean drinking water more readily accessible.

I just learned about another intriguing project: PlayPump which focuses it efforts in sub-Saharan Africa. There are several really great videos on YouTube that describe the project–which uses children’s play-power to operate water pumps from village wells.

Such creative projects and remarkable ingenuity!

(note: The title quote is from Silas Marner’s Rime of the Ancient Mariner)

(note: image from Foxypar4 !!! on Flickr, some rights reserved)

Some days bring us costly lessons. Some lessons simply cost us money.

Today’s lesson came in the form of my monthly telephone bill. As I briefly scanned the bill, I felt (and then heard) the sudden gasp escape from my throat: the amount due was TRIPLE its usual cost!

As I looked further, I discovered that the additional charges stemmed from a business call I had placed last month to the Bahamas. My colleague and I had experienced several delays in making scheduled appointments–due in part to interruptions in her internet-based telephone service, plus we had dismissed her cell phone option as too cost-prohibitive. So, when she gave me a new land-line number to use, I didn’t even think twice. I made the call and we had a productive 60-minute conversation. What I didn’t know at the time was that the call was being billed at my phone company’s “primetime overseas rate.”

Yikes! But also, DUH! I’m so spoiled with my unlimited long distance service plan that I didn’t stop to think that it only covers the US. Plus her phone number “looks” like a regular US number (that is, it doesn’t have any international code prefix to the number).

Once upon a time, I probably would have reacted with anger, frustration and tears, punctuated with feelings of blame and self-loathing for having made such a “stupid” and costly mistake. I might have then railed against the telephone company for what I believed to be exorbitant rates, and/or harbored a lingering, unspoken sense of bitterness toward my colleague for not having “protected” me from my ignorance.

Instead, this morning, I chose to take a deep breath and quietly pay the bill. And, without shame or blame, acknowledged my simple (albeit costly) error in judgment, that was based merely on my not knowing that which I didn’t already know. And then pondered some lessons to be learned from my experience–to help me and others not make a similar mistake in the future.

There are days in life in which we learn costly lessons. And some days in which our lessons simply cost us money.

Learning how to avoid the first type altogether while also minimizing the second is perhaps one of our most important lessons in life.

(note: image from Patrick Q on Flickr)