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 [downloadable pdf version]

In Parts One through Three of this series, you have begun to recognize and explore your own inner experience of the holidays, as a prelude to sorting through those aspects of the season that bring added/unwanted stress to your life.  Part One  enabled you to identify an overall sense of the holidays, while Part Two invited you to look a little more deeply at individual components that result in either/both a positive or negative response within you.  Part Three introduced the restorative power of Quick Coherence, that can help you celebrate those holiday-related activities and events that bring you some joy and also provide some resilience to protect you from added stress.  

Clearing the Holiday “Clutter-Buts”

In the final installment in this “Healing Your Holiday Spirit” series, I draw on an “emotional clutter-busting” approach to dealing with holiday stress to offer a way to gently explore those “But’s…..” you identified in Part Two.  These often stem from “should’s” and “ought’s” that have gradually crept into your holiday traditions, yet do not necessarily add to your enjoyment of the season.  It is as though these “clutter-but’s” have become tangled strings of Christmas tree lights that take a bit of sorting out prior to becoming part of the celebratory mood.

 This approach offers four basic clutter-control questions that can serve as helpful guides for choosing which holiday “Buts…..” we decide to keep intact, alter or perhaps, discard:

1.  How meaningful is it for me? - How much of an impact does this tradition have on my life? Is it important to me? Can I let it go?
2. Do I love it? – Is this something that brings me joy? Or is it something I simply tolerate? Or does it create added stress in my life?
3. Do I want this? – Is this something I need or want as part of my life? How important is it to keep this “intact” or is there a way I can reduce the “clutter” effect?
4. Does this need me? – If it is not important to me personally, is it important to someone I care about? Is there something else that I need to consider (or do) about or with this?

 And, (in keeping with this series’ theme of “Gifts Within a Gift”), I have created another Guided (11 minute Audio) Exercise that invites you explore these questions within your whole body-mind, accompanied by a welcoming spirit of interested curiosity.  You can access it here.

 As we bring this series of messages to a close, I hope that you have been able to find a bit of gentle spaciousness that enables you to embrace the richness of those holiday traditions that provide the most meaning to your life and your relationships, even as you free yourself from the constraints of those that have kept you from being able to enjoy the holiday season. 

Stay tuned for 2010, as I am planning additional opportunities to help you continue to access the wisdom of your body-mind.  In the meantime, I welcome your comments, questions and suggestions.  And may you have a blessed Holiday Season!

Image credits:  tangled lights by shoothead  (Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved)

[printable pdf version]

In Part One of this series, you began to explore the role that “choice” plays in determining an outcome of “Yippee!” or “Yuck!” to your general experience of the Holidays.  In Part Two, you took a “Yea-But” approach to explore more deeply your overall sense of the Holidays.  In Part Four, you will have an opportunity to concentrate more on the But… side of the scale.

First,  let us take a moment to quietly appreciate those parts of the holiday season that give you pleasure, and for which you are grateful.  These are all the things that showed up on you Yea! side of the scale.  These are the parts of the holiday season that are important to you, and which you most likely want to keep as part of your holiday season activities.

This time, my “Gift Within a Gift – A Stresswell™ Holiday Truffle” consists of a lovely exercise from HeartMath called Quick Coherence.  You can find the written instructions here.  I have also included a Guided (6 minute audio) version of this exercise, especially tailored for the holidays.

This wonderful exercise offers a delicious tool for helping you to remember what holds positive meaning in your life.  However, its real power comes from the creation of more coherent heart rhythms, which leads to a more harmonic balance between thoughts and emotions.  In other words, you simply begin to feel better–with more energy, mental clarity and resilience.  That way, you are more equipped to deal with the inevitable hassles that daily life (let alone the holidays!) drops at your doorstep.

Stay tuned for Part Four, the final installment in this “Healing Your Holiday Spirit” series – where I’ll offer you another Guided Exercise – which draws on a great “clearing the emotional clutter” approach to dealing with holiday stress.

In the meantime – your questions and comments are always welcomed!

[printable pdf version]

In Part One of this series, we began to explore the role that “choice” plays in determining an outcome of “Yippee!” or “Yuck!” to a given experience (in this case, “holidays”). 

Now, let’s consider a variation of the Yippee-Yuck© Scale.  I call it the Yea-But© scale.  It’s particularly useful for allowing us to look more deeply at an event or experience that might involve more than one reaction. 

In this scale, each word (or concept or experience) will receive TWO types of rankings (one for “Yeah!” and one for “But….” -each on a scale of 0-3, in which 0 means “none” and 3 means “a great deal”).

 For example, we can use the same word we used  in Part One:  “snow.”   

Maybe you sort of like the sparkle of snow in the moonlight and seeing trees covered with snow.  So, then maybe you would score the “Yea!” side as a “1″.  BUT, you hate having to shovel the stuff, scraping your car, how dirty the snow gets, plus you just hate the cold weather and having to get bundled up during winter weather.  So, you might score the “But….” side as a 3.  Got it?

Now, we can look at the holiday season more specifically, using the Yeah-But© Scale (below) to jot down some notes.

And, to help enrich this process (and in keeping with the initial “Gift within a gift – Stresswell Holiday Truffle” concept), I have also included a lovely, brief Guided AudioExercise.  (It’s about 9 minutes long.)

So, (whether you used the Guided Exercise or not) how did that go for you?  What did you begin to notice?  Were you able to identify some things on both sides of the scale?

I hope so, because in Part Three of this series, I will share a brief exercise that will help you remember and quietly appreciate those parts of the holidays that give you pleasure (those things that show up on the “Yea!” side of the scale).  And, in Part Four, I will conclude with an exercise that will help you to clear some of the ”emotional clutter”  from the “But….” side of the scale.

As always, I welcome your comments and questions!

Having seen the photographs, I began to imagine the layers of luscious tastes tempting my tastebuds.  In addition, thoughts of multi-layered gifts within gifts have drifted through my consciousness in the past several days.  Ah…..layers of deliciously sweet on the outside surrounding satisfyingly savory morsels hidden in the middle.

And so, I got the idea to come bearing gifts within a gift–all created to help heal your holiday spirit, especially if you’re finding yourself sick of holiday stress. A sort of stresswell™ holiday truffle–disguised as a 4-part series of blog posts–each with tasty audio surprises hidden deep inside.

Holiday stress.

For most of us, stress is an everyday part of our lives. When the holidays come, they often arrive with added activities and responsibilities, which then pile on more feelings of stress. It’s often these little stresses that begin piling up that cause us to get sick and lessen the overall quality of our lives.

Instead of giving you a list of generic “do’s and don’ts”—that may or may not be useful in your own life, I hope this discussion will offer you a little different way of thinking about stress and how to be with yourself amidst the stress. I’ll also provide some tools to help you discover (or create) your own tips—that will be meaningful and useful for you to incorporate into your own life.

Yippee/Yuck©.

First, let’s take a look at something I call the “Yippee-Yuck© Scale”.   That is, on a scale of +5 (which means “Yippee!”) to -5 (which means “Yuck!”), with 0 being neutral.  There is no right or wrong answer.  Just how you feel at this moment about whatever is happening. 

For example, as you read the word “snow”, notice for a moment what happens inside. Go with your first reaction and how you feel right now about “snow.”   If you were to mark a spot somewhere between Yippee! and Yuck!, which would you choose?

Next, take a moment to imagine that you are with a group of people, each assigning their own number ranking for their current experience of the word “snow.”  Isn’t it interesting that a single word could evoke so many different reactions?

If we were to explain this using a mathematical formula, it would look something like this:

Snow + Your Reaction =Yippee/Yuck© Rating.

A more general way of looking at this equation would be as follows:

Event + Your Response = Outcome.

In other words, every outcome we experience is a direct result of how we respond to an individual event that occurs.

Does this mean that we have to like everything that happens to us? No, of course not. Nor does it mean that we are to blame if something bad happens to us.  It simply means that no matter what happens to us (whether good, bad or indifferent), it is our response to that event that will determine the outcome we experience.

I Have a Choice.

In turn, this means that we have a choice on how to respond to whatever happens in our lives.  [Wayne Moore has written a lovely song entitled "I Have a Choice", which you can preview here.]

Now, let’s repeat the Yippee/Yuck© exercise–this time with the word “holidays.”  Notice what happens inside and  prompts you to select a particular Yippee! or Yuck! score.  Notice too, whether you’re satisfied with the number you chose, or whether you would really prefer it to have rank a bit higher on the Yippee! side of the scale.

In my next blog post, we’ll take a look at something I call the Yea-But© Scale–and how it can help you sort through something that has multiple layers – like holidays. 

In the meantime, I’d love to hear from you.  Perhaps you would share your own sense of the holidays, and/or what you noticed as you did this exercise.

Image credits:  06_layers by wiccked  (Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved)

[printable PDF version]

One, two, three, one, two, three…. My fellow workshop participants counted off in preparation for our first small group exercise. As the counting reached me, Michael, our workshop leader interrupted: “No, you’re not included.”

I felt as though a rug had been pulled out from beneath my feet. I struggled to control my emotions, my face betraying a mixture of confusion, disbelief, and disappointment, mingled with a vague sense of betrayal.

During planning for the workshop (ironically, the theme was “loss”), my fellow co-organizers had repeated assured me that I could be a full participant throughout the workshop itself. While small group exercises were normally done in triads, their experience had been that an occasional group of four was formed if the overall group size was not divisible by three. However, on that particular morning, Michael appeared unwilling to make an accommodation.

As the triads began their work together, I attempted to regain my equilibrium. I began a stresswell™ spin of the wheel while I tapped into my usual repertoire of stress management skills. I stopped to breathe and shift into coherence. I acknowledged my feelings and released them. I examined my beliefs and judgments about the incident.

Although one of the groups had invited me in as an observer, I found myself continually distracted by feelings of loss and abandonment. I felt fidgety and unable to sit still in a spirit of presence within the small group. Eventually, I was pulled away from the exercise by an administrative task, and decided it would be too disruptive for me to return.

I left the room for a few moments to wash my face and provide some distance from the workshop itself. As the exercise ended, lunch arrived and I realized how hungry I felt.

Conversation during lunch was also awkward. My fellow organizers shared my puzzlement and empathized with my sadness. Yet, I was also aware of wanting to maintain a positive atmosphere for the rest of the participants-even though I still was unsure of my own status for the remainder of the workshop.

A gnawing sadness continued throughout lunch. Tears lingered just beneath the surface and threatened to erupt without notice. I was puzzled by how important it seemed to be for me to actually participate in the workshop.

Finally, lunch was finished, and the group came back together. I learned that Michael had decided to let me participate in the rest of the workshop exercises. That afternoon, we would be take turns telling a story about a loss in our own lives.

I paused for a moment to invite a felt sense of which story might want to be told that afternoon. Ah, along came my sophomore homeroom and English teacher, a nun whose name I could no longer remember. What I did recall, however, was that “Sr. Mary NoName” and I had become fast friends that fall. She was perhaps no more than ten years my senior. I had found myself enjoying our conversations immensely and looked forward to the times we spent together.

Then, one day, she had stopped me as I was leaving homeroom and told me that we could no longer spend time together outside of class. She had offered no explanation as I sensed a door in my heart slam shut. From that day forward, I was invisible to her and I felt shunned.

That afternoon, however, as I told the story to my “listener” within our group of four, I began to see threads linking that long ago experience with the intense feelings that had haunted me just a few hours before. I began to recognize that those threads were linked as well to other losses throughout my life that had included themes of exclusion and abandonment and which had never quite lost their emotional sting.

As part of the workshop exercise, we also had the opportunity to address our listener with whatever words we would wish to say directly to the person we had been telling the story about, as well as offer a blessing to that person. I found myself speaking both to myself as the devastated 15 year old girl and to my beloved teacher, acknowledging the pain she must have felt as well (because I felt sure that the forced separation had not been her choice).

As I spoke, I felt as though I were laying down a heavy burden, that I had carried for so long. And throughout the rest of the workshop, I could feel the healing continue.

Of course, old habits sometimes are reluctant to slip away quite so easily. As a result, in the days following the workshop, I’ve noticed occasional twinges of old, familiar, well-rehearsed feelings of abandonment. Yet, as quickly as the twinges appear, they now disappear with the recognition that the initial hurt has been healed and that I no longer need the protective shield.

Lessons learned? First, that any experience can affect us deeply within all dimensions of our being. Second, that a lingering response to a stressful incident might have deep taproots to an earlier experience that yearns for a transformational healing process. Third, that a “spin of the wheel” may become a three-dimensional spiral of growth and healing that transcends time and space.
Image Credits (unless otherwise noted, all on Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved) :
1. Not Like the Others… by greenapplegrenade
2. Wellness Wheel ©2002 by John W Travis and HealthWorld Online (used with permission)
3. parla con me by la bella polenesiana

A Love Letter from Alex (printable/pdf version)

Some days it really pays to sort through old files.  This afternoon, I found a stack of love letters and cards from my late husband.

He wrote an especially beautiful letter at a point during our courtship when I was going through a really rough patch at work.  I thought you might find his words as comforting-and inspirational–as I did.   Both then, and now:

I send you my affection and love to be with you….keep us close together during the trying times….calling on our total energies to help you through….but also call on our combined energies and love when it is time to celebrate at the high times of each day – there should be at least 8 celebrations each day….

1. When you awake…to another day, the purr of a cat, to the sneeze of [the dog], to the song of birds or to the first ray of sunlight.
2. Sipping a cup of tea, munching on a crust of toast, peanut butter or crunching a dry cereal for breakfast.
3. Taking a walk in the out-of-doors regardless of snow, rain, sleet, sun, or cottonwood seeds gliding down to earth, smelling the scents of earth, water, cut grass, sweat of a horse, after shave lotion, fresh dab of perfume or baby oil.
4. Greetings from friends, acquaintances, students, strangers, passer-bys, your own image reflected in a mirror or storefront window.  Surprize….being alive to all which surrounds you each moment in each day.
5. Listening and hearing the sounds of your own voice…talking, yelling, singing, laughing, whispering.
6. Touching…oh so many objects, people, animals, buildings, your car, a flower, a caterpillar, the wine in your goblet, the lips of your lover….your own body….with pride, delight and passion.
7. To be emotional….full range and depth…no limit…full limit…restrained and then abounding…internal and external-Yeah!  Take it in…Give and let it out….Human and Full of Life.
8. To sleep and rest after a fantasy called life which has been experienced….throughout each day.

That my Mary Is what you do!  Each and Every day of your creative and beautiful life.  Celebrate the existence of yourself with each and every living creature-

I too will celebrate life with you….each day and each moment of that day-

I enjoy spending these seconds with you.

*****

Image Credits:

Love Letters by Patricia Lazar on Flickr (cc) Some Rights Reserved